II will (n)ever succeed…. Get more confident with these 4 basic rules

Who doesn’t know it, that little voice in your head that says “you can’t do it!” The little voice that sows doubt, gnaws at your confidence and gives you fear of failure. Very human, but also very annoying. What do you do about it? Do you want to gain more self-confidence? With these 4 ways you will definitely succeed.

Doubt about one’s own ability is a regularly recurring thought in many of us, which is based on a limiting belief, and which has a lack of self-confidence as its effect. The football player who takes a penalty kick during training without difficulty and scores without any doubt, but misses in the final because he doubts his own ability.

The tennis player who is two sets ahead and in the third winning set gives the game away at a 5-0 lead because the fear of failure gets a grip on him. The presenter who blocks at the sight of a room with 100 listeners. In short, it happens to all of us from time to time.

That little voice inside

That little voice is there for a reason. It keeps us from taking life-threatening risks. In Rotterdam, (Netherlands) there is the Euromast of 185 meters high. I saw people there practicing to descend (mountaineering). You really have to step over the edge to do this.

Not everyone managed to fully relax. Our brains don’t understand that the rope you’re attached to really keeps you from falling. Your brain assesses the situation as dangerous. And the little voice tries to keep us from going over that edge.

Unfortunately, when you think “it will never work out,” that is all too often the result. Your thought affects your performance. Fortunately, it also works in reverse. When you use this helping thought: ” I will succeed,” your ability to perform increases.

What can you do against your impeding thoughts? Here are four exercises for developing more self-confidence.

1. You are not your thought

Focus, in the I form, on a negative judgment about yourself that you want to get rid of. For example, “I’m nervous,” or “I can’t do this.” Engage the thought, let yourself sink into it completely, and believe the thought as much as you can. You will find that the thought and the feeling it gives increases. What you focus on increases!

Use the same limiting belief again, but now in the form: “I think that…”. For example, “I think I’m nervous,” or “I think I can’t do it.” Sink completely into the thought, speak the sentence out loud in your mind and believe it as much as you can. While doing so, emphasize “I THINK that … “. You will find that space is created in your thinking about the obstacle. “Actually, I’m not that nervous at all,” or, “I can do it.

Of course, you can apply the first part of this method, focusing on your thought, to a positive belief.

Reframing, look at it from the other side

It is not the event that determines what we feel, but the meaning we give to the event. How we view events forms our frame of reference. Adjusting this frame of reference is called ‘re-framing’. This involves looking for beliefs that help us achieve goals. Some examples of reframes:

• I can do this
• My weakness is my strength
• Everything seems impossible, until it is done (Mandela)
• Behind every behavior is a positive intention

Give your self-confidence a “boost” with a the following re-framing technique:

• Sit upright in a chair
• Push your back against the backrest
• Place both feet hip-width flat on the ground
• Breathe in and out quietly, slowing your breathing to a point that feels comfortable
• Relax and feel how the chair carries your body
• Let your eyes twinkle; smile in thought
• Take a positive belief in mind (reframe)

3. Visualize; imagine it

“Your imagination is your preview of life’s coming attractions.” One of Albert Einstein’s sayings. In other words, everything begins in the mind and imagination. You must see your success, see yourself realizing your goal. Visualizing is a way to make changes and develop more self-confidence.

Top athletes make grateful use of it. They see themselves making the movements they need to win. The brain cannot tell the difference between an exercise performed in thought or an actual action.

For example, see yourself successfully giving a presentation in front of 100 people, see the audience applauding at the end of your presentation, feel the feeling that goes with it. It helps!

Visualization exercise

• Sit down
• Breathe in and out quietly, slowing your breathing to a point that feels comfortable
• Feel the inhale and exhale, feel the breath flow through your body and leave the body again through your hands, legs, feet and buttocks
• Do this for a few minutes
• See yourself when you have realized the goal
• Feel what you feel when you have realized the goal
• Repeat the exercise as many times as you like

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4. Stubborn persistence is the key to greater self-confidence

Tell those around you what goal you have and that you are going to “make it”. Tell it over and over again, and persevere. Tell that you are going to take that world trip on your own, tell that you are going to quit your job and do something else, tell that you are going to ask your boss for a raise… By speaking it out, you create a path to your goal.

You enter into a psychological contract with yourself, so to speak, which, slowly but surely, makes you believe in the possibility. Your goal becomes a reality and is your real basis for more self-confidence and you really work on your insecurity.

In short, no matter how loud that little voice screams: you can master it!!! Gaining more self-confidence is therefore less difficult for you than you first thought.