Resolve a conflict at work? Here’s how to do it

Are you good at conflict resolution at work? In everyday conflicts or arguments at work between teams or colleagues at your work, we are generally not as aware of our own role if we are not involved in the conflict. That conflict? That’s their problem. Confronting it? No way Jose. Or should you? In this blog, I explain how to resolve conflict at work as a professional.

A conflict is actually your problem too

Conflict in the workplace is, in a sense, your problem too. You often suffer because it ruins the atmosphere in the team or because you can’t do your own job properly. You can be the independent party in that conflict, always. Take that role and play it like a pro. Because only you, the independent party, can resolve a conflict seamlessly and peacefully. Be the one who makes the connection in the conflict.

I’m going to tell you how to do that.

Why arguing at work is your problem too

Psychologist Dr. Elaine Shpungin strongly agrees. A conflict in your environment ís your problem, and conflict resolution in such a case is your responsibility. Therefore, do not look away from a conflict if you are not involved; that is the passive tactic. Approach the conflict precisely so you can resolve it; take an assertive approach.

Dr. Shpungin:

“There’s something my parents never told me about conflict resolution: if you want to stay safe, go at it.

I know, when I first heard this, the idea of going into a conflict situation rather than avoiding it sounded both radical and repulsive to my ears. […] Either way; neither continuing to bicker nor getting conflict out of the way can ever restore things and allow security to return. […] Making peace, so it appears, can only be done by going straight to the fire and right through the center of the fire.”

Method of conflict resolution

Good. So that should be clear. You are not going to play the wallflower or act like independent Switzerland. You are the one who can resolve a conflict. Do it, by going straight at it. Not by stoking the fire, that would be the aggressive approach again.

Do it assertively: put out the fire. How to do that extinguishing part? Here’s an idea I know as the “Overarching Goals” method.

Method of overarching goals

• Any group that you let form itself automatically creates its own culture, government, legal system and its own borders – to distinguish itself from other groups.
• This makes groups close, but here are also the roots for conflict with other groups.
• ‘Peace’ can only be concluded through ‘overarching goals’ that extend beyond one’s own borders.

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Interesting examples

I’ll take you along in some examples of “overarching goals” that you can use as an independent, third party. Conflict resolution then becomes a lot easier.

• What is the joint mission? If you are a manager, put two colleagues, who are in contention, together on a customer account. State that this customer is a difficult one and that it is vital for the organization to retain it. And there it is 🙂 the joint mission for the conflicted parties, from which they will both benefit.
• Doing something together. Tell your bickering children that Flappy the rabbit has broken out of his cage and they must now catch him together to get him safely back in the hutch. Or something similar. As long as it’s a joint mission with a common goal: get rabbit back safely. Can’t do it alone. Check.
• Consult together (mandatory). Use the organization of the annual family party to find a new location and interpretation together, by putting all your heads together – including those of your two uncles who can’t stand each other. Deliberately saddle them with a task all off their own: the appetizers/catering, for example. If they can’t figure it out, no one will have anything to eat and drink during the party.

Resolving conflict in the workplace? Here are the tips

1. Bring parties together

Remember that none of this is especially manipulative. You are merely directing both parties to each other, only to have them solve it together. Conflict resolution is done by putting both parties together on the problem as solvers; that is your role. No more, no less.

2. Leverage an existing situation

Don’t go making up far-fetched stories. Rather, seize on an existing situation or problem, maybe lending a hand (you let the rabbit out of the hutch, in the case of children), and use that situation to put conflicting parties on the overarching goal.

3. What problem can/should be solved together?

Clear, right? Now keep eyes and ears open for suitable “problems” that can be jointly solved by the squabblers around you. Listen carefully to those arguing with each other, rather than turning away.

4. Take a leadership role

Take the leadership role, complete with powerful body language and persuasive communication. Proclaim your proposal to have the problem solved by conflict parties 1 and 2 – and peace is within reach. Good job, from you as peace party 3. That’s another way to be assertive!

Having a conflict at work yourself?

It can happen to you too. You also could be embroiled in a conflict with a colleague. One on one, no third party in sight. You can of course call in a third party. A supervisor, for example. Better keep in mind you both know that your conflict will be “appeased” by the overarching goal you have been given.

In that case, the idea with an independent party is kind of gone because you yourself are involved. Don’t let that stop you: you can also give yourself and the other party an overarching goal. Very mature and assertive way to resolve a conflict at work.

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