How to resolve misunderstandings at work simply with good questioning

How conversational are you really at resolving misunderstandings at work? If you are less able to do that, it will cost you a lot of energy and annoyance. In this blog, I’ll explain why asking good questions is super helpful in keeping the conversation with your colleague or manager constructive in these types of situations.

We don’t always understand each other well

How easy it would be if you always understood immediately what your colleagues mean. And also that it is immediately clear what they think about something and that it is also crystal clear to the other person how you view something? You immediately have a better grip on the situation.

We filter messages

Unfortunately, the reality is different. This is because unconsciously we filter each other’s words and signals; then we interpret the other person’s message according to our own values and standards.

No, you can’t read minds

In doing so, we guess what’s on the other person’s mind and assume something is meant the way we think. Often we even believe that we can read minds and also know how the other person is thinking! Many misunderstandings arise in this way, and it results in conflict at work just like that. Asking the right questions will prevent that and improve mutual communication. That way you are more likely to achieve the goals you have in mind.

5 benefits of good questions:

Asking questions:

1. Will prevent blaming
2. It’s breaking patterns
3. Gives you a lot of information
4. Helps to get what you want
5. Gives insights to the other person

1. Asking good questions prevents recriminations

Suppose you are annoyed with your colleague who keeps interrupting you and you want to call him on it. You have this comment in mind, “I’m sick and tired of you always interrupting me, you never even let me finish!

The result of such an accusation may be that the other person becomes defensive or retreats into his shell. There is then no longer mutual effective communication and you do not achieve the desired result.

Good questions to ask

However, when you ask the question, “What is the reason you interrupt me so often when I try to tell you something?” you invite the other person to think and answer. This is how you find out what drives the other person to behave in this way and what opportunities there are to change it.

2. It breaks negative patterns

Now you are just getting comfortable asking questions instead of blaming, but another person may still throw something at your head. For example: ‘I also always have to check all the data because you always overlook something. Can’t you ever get it right the first time?’

Break through an endless discussion

You might probably head back something like, “Yes, I try to do that too, but you keep changing the rules! The other person will then defend himself again and so a fruitless discussion ensues. Or perhaps you are someone who, on the contrary, completely shuts down after such an unsubtle reproach and only later thinks about all the things you could have said.

In either case, neither party achieves the desired result. By asking a question, you break such negative conversation patterns.

Good questions to ask

‘How annoying that something is wrong. Can you point out exactly what I overlooked?’ Or, ‘Possibly rules or standards have changed of which I am not aware. Can you clarify this for me so that I can deliver it according to the current requirements from now on?’ This is how you work on a joint solution.

3. It gives you a lot of information

Often we speak in comments, announcements or give our opinion directly instead of asking the other person for their opinion or vision. Especially an open-ended question (who, what, where et cetera) invites your interlocutor to provide information and makes him think.

Listening, summarizing, asking questions (LSA)

When you have listened to the answer, summarize it in your own words and check that you have understood it correctly by asking a closed question: ‘Did I understand correctly that…?’ or ‘Is it true that…?’

Then you can continue with open-ended questions again (indeed, LSA: listen, summarize and ask through). In this way, you find out more about the other person and what concerns them instead of you presuming to know and guessing what’s on the other person’s mind.

Also, feel free to ask a question about what you perceive (often nonverbal) in the other person to discover a possible hidden message. For example, if someone breathes a deep sigh or frowns, it’s good to feedback that.

Good questions to ask

Ask this question, “I see some doubt in you, is that right? Or: whence the sigh? Maybe the other person says yes to something you ask, when they actually mean no. It’s better to get a no answer right away than to find out later that the other person can’t live up to it or can’t keep the agreement.

4. It helps you get what you want

Every person has the right to ask for what he or she wants. It would be nice if others could sense what you like, or that by sending nonverbal signals you could make it clear to the other person what you need.

With a deep sigh and the comment, “I’m so busy, I don’t remember when to write that report,” you may be hoping that your colleague will offer to take that job from you. Sometimes it works but unfortunately not everyone picks up on those signals and you get disappointed. So you better be clear about what you want or what you need.

Good questions to ask

‘Could you write that report for me today? Or: ‘Could you take over that other job so I can finish the report before the deadline? No guarantee that the person will do it, as they also have the right to say no, but at least you know what to expect from the other person and avoid frustration or disappointment.

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5. It gives insights to the other person

It’s not without reason that managers learn to coach their employees on different behavior instead of being directive. Above all, coaching means asking a lot of questions that allow the other person to understand for themselves the effect of different behavior. When you ask someone a question, you make them think about their own thinking and actions.

It creates commitment and willingness

You can also ask how the other person would feel about approaching it in a different way from now on. By forming a new opinion, slowly it makes sense to the other person and he sees the benefit of doing things differently in the future. This takes a little more time but it creates more commitment and willingness to improve, than imposing rules or threatening sanctions.

Good questions to ask to make someone think about their actions:

• What reasons did you have for approaching it this way?
• What arguments would you make for that?
• What makes you…?
• What do you think about that?
• How do you see that?

Asking good questions are professional conversation skills

I hope these 5 benefits have given you insight into the power of asking questions. In the near future you could practice these conversation skills. I invite you to experiment with that. Become aware of the effect when you don’t get caught up in bickering or conflict, but open up to the opinions of others.

Change from sending to receiving

Discover the wealth of information it provides when you are not on “send mode” but on “receive mode’. Also, as an adult, you may say goodbye to the fear you may have had as a child, of being punished if you asked for something.

Imposed norms such as: “Beggars can’t be choosers!” or: “You have to wait your turn” are ultimately also just the opinions of others. Standing up for yourself by saying what you want is just perfectly normal to get the things you think are important done.

As such, asking good questions is super helpful in keeping the conversation with your colleague or supervisor constructive.