25 nifty tips for effective conversations at work
Have you ever noticed that 1 of your conversations got heated, even out of control? At the end of such a conversation the tension might have been too much and the result was not exactly what you had hoped for. Don’t worry because you can learn to have an effective conversation. In this blog I will give you three basic ideas, supplemented with 25 nifty tips that you can use immediately at work. That way you can have a conversation with the attention it deserves.
1. Are you really present in the conversation?
In conversations with your colleague, you run the risk of not really being present. Physically, of course, but mentally you are maybe entirely somewhere else. Research shows that this happens to more than 50% of professionals on occasion.
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Causes?
While you’re having your conversation / meeting, your mind is occupied with a number of emails you still need to deal with, on your phone an important text message arrives from a client, and you’re already thinking about your next appointment that you’ve scheduled just a little too tightly.
Too much multitasking in your conversations
You are multitasking and it’s logical you are distracted in your conversation. Your thoughts, because of the distraction, are somewhere else. You are ‘out of it’. That’s not that respectful and collegial to your conversation partner ….
To break through that, it is important to be fully present in the conversation. Only then you can participate optimally. When you’re present you are better able to make a connection in the conversation, be open, listen and, if necessary, intervene when things are not going well.
Having a good conversation = practicing
For some people, being present is a breeze. Others need some practice to do so. Practicing is actually quite simple. You can do this both prior to a call and during a call. I have a few ideas for you to get it done.
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Tips to be present in the conversation
Tips 1 – 4: this is how to be truly present in the conversation
- Blow on the top of your hand for a moment and pay attention to how that feels on the skin of your hand. It will instantly bring you in the here and now.
- Rub your thumb and index finger together for a moment and pay attention to how that feels.
- Sit back in your chair, both feet on the floor, and breathe three times. Inhale through your mouth, exhale through your nose.
- Just smile at yourself inside and you’re ready to go. That’s not so hard, is it?
Of course, you may also notice that your interlocutor is not quite there. You could do the following:
Tips 5 – 9: If your interlocutor is not quite there
What can you say when you notice that your interlocutor is “not quite there.
- Shall we have this conversation at another time?
- I see / notice that something else is keeping you busy. What is it?
- Is it convenient for you now?
- Do you want to talk about it now or shall we schedule something new?
- You seem to be busy with something else. Could I have your full attention?
2. Having a conversation means listening carefully.
You know this proverb, of course. I also came across one from a Greek thinker (Zeno): ‘We have 1 mouth and 2 ears so it is better to listen than to say anything’.
To improve the flow a conversation, I recommend that you be really interested in what is being said in the conversation. To practice this you need to train yourself a bit. You can do this, for example, by paying attention to the other person in the conversation. You pay attention to things like:
Tips 10 – 13: To listen/observe better.
- Who is speaking and is that supposed to be?
- Has someone been speaking at length on a specific topic
- How much energy is currently in the conversation (in you / in the other person)
- How involved is the other person? (interested or absent)
If you listen better you discover more interesting angles to make the conversation flow well. For example, you are better able to respond to what is being said. You can better direct and guide the conversation (in a good way) toward your outcome.
Effective listening can be guided by asking good questions after someone has told his/her story. For example, with questions such as:
Tips 14 – 17 : Asking good listening questions in your conversations
- Can you tell me an example of that?
- What is your opinion on this issue?
- How do you view this situation?
- Do you have any ideas to solve this?
Active listening also allows you to get to know your colleague better and makes the conversation more constructive. By really responding to what is important to him or her, you strengthen your empathy and are better able to reach an agreement that is good for both parties.
If you notice that the other person is not that interested you can do the following:
Tips 18-21: Here’s what you can say when the other person interrupts you in conversation
- Do you mind if I tell you an example about that
- Do you want to hear my thoughts on that?
- Is it actually convenient for us to talk about this?
- I would love to share with you my idea about that.
3. Are you open to a good conversation?
Communicating with each other and having a good conversation often means exchanging views assertively. To do this, it’s helpful if you’re open to another person’s ideas and opinions. Otherwise it will be quite difficult to discover something in common.
Sometimes your own ideas or opinions are subject to criticism. Or even worse: they turn out to be wrong. Being open also means being able to handle such a situation well.
Yes but ….
If you are already thinking about your answer while the other person is still speaking, it’s a sweeping sign that you are not completely open. For example, if you notice yourself saying ‘yes, but’ to every answer. Out of politeness you wait until the other person has spoken but sometimes that doesn’t even happen.
You may also not have an answer right away. In that case, don’t go thinking something up on the spot. Allow yourself some time to give answers like:
Tips 22 – 24: For when you don’t know an answer in the conversation
- Hmm interesting thought. I haven’t looked at it that way yet. I’m going to think about it and come back to it tomorrow.’
- You surprise me a little with this. What shall we do to finish/continue our conversation properly
- Shall we reschedule?
Having a conversation = working on mutual trust
Tip 25: If you’re able to have good conversations, you structurally build mutual trust. Being open and listening attentively ensures that you take each other seriously. You understand that ‘coming to a good solution together’ is a good contribution to achieving your goals. In this way, you strengthen the mutual relationship and it makes you more assertive at work.
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Lacking assertiveness or selfconfidence?
Does it inhibit you at work and want to get rid of that? That's possible with our 40 days individual coaching program. Lets meet, see if we have a 'click' and if I can help you.