How to assertively win a fiery argument with 6 good arguments

Of course, a good discussion is never wasted. However, more than often such a discussion could degenerate in an endless conversation. Or even worse, a banging argument. How do you actually do that? Have a good, assertive discussion?

Discussing is an art

Discussion and dialogue is part of your professional life. But to turn it into a life-and-death battle every time is awkward and extremely tiring. Good news: there is such a thing as the art of winning a dialogue.

Ground rule: keep relationship good

The basic rule of any discussion is to always keep the relationship with your interlocutors in mind. With this basic rule as a starting point, you can really do everything you can to turn the discussion in your favor.

6 keys to assertive discussion

1. Cunningly attack your opponent

Once there was a valiant knight who had a cunning way of fighting. He won everything with it. He had a simple trick: he attacked the feet of the horse on which the other knight was sitting. It no longer mattered whether his opponent was strong or brave, they fell to the ground and were helpless.

The same goes for the arguments your opponent presents. Every argument has a basic assumption, the premise with which you make the argument. If you recognize this basic assumption then you can attack it. Your opponent’s foundation thus turns into quicksand.

Example: ‘It turns out time and again that homeopathy works well for many people, they benefit greatly from it.’ Assumption: homeopathy is good for people’s health. Your answer: ‘What systematic research shows that?’

2. Do you have your facts straight?

You know this, of course: information is power. If you have the knowledge and expertise you can prove time and time again that you are right. Do prepare well for the discussion so that you are sure of your case. For example, politicians go down hard because of poor dossier knowledge.

Be careful not to label something as the ultimate sacred truth unless you know it for sure. Nothing is more annoying if it turns out later that you lied. It makes your position in the discussion shaky and as a person you are seen as unreliable. So keep a low profile if you are not sure.

3. Don’t get lost in the swamp

Perhaps the most difficult thing in a discussion. How well are you able to stick to the topic the discussion is about? If you or your discussion partner brings in a totally new topic of discussion then it does become quite difficult to toe the line.

Of course, bringing in another topic can also be a tactic of your opponent. It is a sign that your interlocutor feels he is in danger of losing. He/she therefore brings up another topic.

4. Hard on the case, kind hearted to the person

You’ve probably experienced it before: your interlocutor (or perhaps yourself) repeats the point of view. They just start talking louder to reinforce the argument. This never helps to win the discussion. It is best if you stay calm and conduct the discussion with focus.

When you stay calm, you have more opportunity to think during the discussion. This allows you to make good points to reinforce your story. Not the person who shouts the loudest, but the person who can put forward the most convincing points of view wins.

5. Not getting dirty when playing

The key to winning a discussion is nothing more than being able to put forward good arguments and points. What certainly does not help is to make it clear to your interlocutor over and over again that he/she “sees it wrong”. It will make your conversation partner feel attacked. It will not make the conversation more pleasant or constructive. It will make you less assertive.

So stay calm and don’t make it personal. By doing so, you create trust with your interlocutor. If you ‘play it on the man/woman’ you only show that you have no (self)confidence. You probably do not know enough about the content of the subject.

6. Silence is gold

A good tactic is, right after you make your point, to give your interlocutor the opportunity to respond. While you listen to your opponent, you have time to think about your next move. Many conversations are won because people know how to shut up in time. It makes your interlocutor nervous in a good way. It puts him/her in a position they would rather not be in.

Do you struggle with discussions?
Do you struggle to have a constructive and assertive discussion? Do you feel you always got the short straw? Would you like to do something about it? With the 1-on-1 assertiveness training ‘In 40 days more assertive’ we help you.

Try it out at work

With these tips, you’ll never have to worry about having that enervating discussion with your colleagues again. Remember to keep the relationship right in the conversation. It is the foundation of any professional conversation. Good luck trying them out!