An irresistibly good conversation with this assertive communication style

Over time, I have found that there are some universal concepts that make subtle, assertive communication just better. Regardless of whether you’re having a difficult conversation or an easy one.

Many of the questions I get asked in practice are about how you interact with your conversation partner. Over time, I have found that there are some universal concepts that simply make conversations better.

Regardless of whether the topic of conversation is difficult or easy. I thought it would be a good idea to share these concepts with you because I am convinced that you can practice this just fine on your own and besides: it is not higher math and you will become a better professional.

Oops, do I hear an objection there …….?

Often people then ask me, “and if I do that I might give away too much space and maybe I won’t succeed in achieving my goals then” My counter-question is actually always, “and do you succeed now?” And, by-the-way, no it shouldn’t be your intention to push away your own goals.

The only intention is to raise the quality of your conversation. Actually, you only win because afterwards your interlocutor will say, “mmm, it was a tough subject but we had a great conversation about it.”

1. The secret of focusing on the other person

The secret to ultimate cooperation is knowing how to approach the other person from his/her heart. In doing so, you focus on the person sitting across from you. The subtlety is in focusing yourself to contribute more than receive. You will find that you will better achieve your goal. Do you have the guts to try that out?

2. Reveal why it is so important to you

I have found that people are not so interested in how much you know but show more interest when they know how important it is to you and how much you care. Of course it becomes personal as a result but you develop a meaningful relationship with your interlocutor as a result. This is important because otherwise you will never know exactly what is going on …. until it’s too late.

3. Plain and simple is your strength in communication

You may know them, people who can talk for 5 quarters of hour in one hour. It seems like an excellent skill. The question is whether these people are clear and specific. Are you able to learn to be assertive and direct to the point? How do you actually do that? Can you filter out all the superfluous and make what you say count? You’ll find that your colleagues will be better able to follow you

4. Being open is an independent choice

Perhaps the trickiest part of all. You see, there are always very good rational reasons for not being open. I think those rational reasons can all be true, too. Yet the best conversations are open. This is because when you’re very private and keeping all to yourself you are not very creative and have difficulty exploring new possibilities.

A good dialogue is not about getting the other person to change their mind but more about understanding what they are thinking. So it is best to be interested and curious.

An open dialogue with anyone who challenges or confronts you contributes to your development of the organization. It is not the opinion that counts, but the willingness to discuss and learn from it with an open mind. You can choose to do so ….

5. The fine art of listening

Simply telling someone something you want to get rid of, is not as effective in good communication. An important aspect of meaningful communication is whether, using your empathy, you keep an eye on what is happening on the “other side of the table.” Understanding when someone’s dropping out of the conversation a very important step in your development into a better interlocutor.

Remove your earmuffs :), pick the wax out of your ears and engage in conversation with your colleagues and stop lecturing and monologuing. A real conversation has much more meaning and most importantly, more results.

Is assertive communication important to you and do you want to learn? Then our 1-on-1 assertiveness training “in 40 days more assertive” is for you.

Exercises in practice 1

It is impossible to communicate well and subtly without practice in practice. You can just learn it. It takes some effort in the beginning and sometimes it may even seem a bit contrived until you discover that it just makes your conversations better. That’s enjoyable and makes you a better professional.