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Problems with your boss at work? How do you handle that?

Jolanda Meijer
by Jolanda Meijer
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Do you also have a boss who is more on sending than receiving, never has time for you except when you have done something wrong in his eyes? Does your boss let you have it even though it is not your fault and do you never get a compliment when you have done something right? Actually, you would like to say outright: I have problems with my boss at work, I have boss stress.

Chances are this will make you go to work with little courage in your heart and increasingly suffer from boss stress. Waiting for it until things calm down is not the best solution. In this blog you will discover how to get more peace of mind through a better relationship with your boss. This will quickly return your job satisfaction and prevent a potential burnout situation.

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First, let’s explore why you may be suffering from boss stress.

Top 5 problems with your boss

Top 5 problems with your boss

  1. Manager neglects you

  2. Stress at work due to incompetent manager

  3. Manager is afraid of losing grip

  4. Your manager is too much on detail

  5. over-using a good trait

I explain all 5 problems in this blog.

How come you have problems with your boss at work

Because we have to do more tasks with fewer and fewer people, we often work longer hours and sometimes spend more time in the office than at home. Then it is logical that you do want to have a good time at work. You want to be useful, work with nice colleagues, perform well and develop yourself.

Manager neglects you

In a pleasant work environment, you can handle quite a lot of work pressure, especially if you are motivated and supported by your supervisor. But if your boss is primarily concerned with spreadsheets or budgets and doesn’t look after his employees, you can suffer quite badly.

Stress at work due to incompetent manager

Many companies just can’t seem to find the right person to lead them. Unfortunately, it still happens too often that you have to deal with a boss who may get the highest marks professionally, but scores an absolute inadequate score for dealing with people.

Not to mention the man (read also: woman) , who with dominant behavior and abuse of power, creates fear and panic that causes half the department to leave or call in sick. This causes stress at work.

Identify for yourself the behaviors that bother you about your boss

When does your boss exhibit that troublesome behavior?

Just as you can recognize certain types of weather within any climate, you can also predict patterns in your boss’s behavior. When is he in a good mood and when is it thundering? Many bosses exhibit derailed behavior when they themselves are under pressure from upper management; they don’t want to be caught off guard when something goes wrong or when they fail to meet their targets.

Afraid of losing grip

They are afraid of losing their grip on their employees and this manifests itself in distrust and extreme scrutiny of everything you do. Or they risk not achieving the intended results and fear for their own position within the company.

If you ask your boss for something in that situation, you don’t have to expect him to pay much attention to you or listen to you carefully, and if he finds out you’re not going to meet your deadlines, chances are your boss will let you have it.

Too much on detail

You can also have a boss who is very calm and very deliberate in his decision making. If he is put under pressure to make a quick decision, he will be very slow to move and will want to know everything first. That can also give you the creeps.

Find out when your boss shows his troublesome behavior

Does he/she also have his/her good sides?

No, I hear you say. My boss is just not right! Yet most bosses are not bad people. They are ordinary people with certain weaknesses but they also have their qualities. If you try really hard, you might be able to name a few. Someone who seems very dominant and pushy to you may just have a strong character and a clear vision.

A boss who does not seem to pay attention to the ups and downs of his employees may have as a good trait forwardness and result orientation. The control freak is often extremely punctual and has an eye for detail. Does anything come to mind that you can appreciate in your boss?

blog continues after photo

problems with boss at work
Try naming three good qualities of your boss

Pitfalls and allergies

So, miraculously, your boss’s behavior, which irritates you so much, may stem from a good trait that he overuses, he steps into his trap. Suppose he is very self-confident, but goes overboard and comes across as arrogant, or he is too thoughtful and gets bogged down in inertia.

over-using a good trait

If you are modest, you may dislike someone who behaves arrogantly. If you like to get down to business, you will be itching for a boss who waits for the cat to drop and thinks about everything. You are, as it were, allergic to the behavior someone displays when he steps into his trap.

When you can dissect your boss’s troublesome behavior by tracing his troublesome behavior to the overuse of a good trait and understand your allergic reaction to it, you can reduce your boss stress.

Identify which of your boss’s traps you are allergic to and how you normally respond to them

Risk factors stress at work by your boss

Miraculously, not everyone with an incapable boss suffers equally from boss stress. You yourself may have sleepless nights and red spots on your neck just thinking about your boss, while your colleagues seemingly don’t care much and carry on whistling.

Take the test

Take the following test to find out if you are prone to boss stress

Tick all the statements you recognize in yourself.
A.

  • When I do something, I do it well
  • I don’t give up easily
  • I like to complete my tasks
  • I deliver my work flawlessly
  • If I stopped working, I wouldn’t know what to do

B.

  • I like to work by the rules
  • I take no chances
  • I need clear guidelines
  • I don’t like changes
  • I am quite insecure about my performance

C.

  • I’m flexible and open for every way to proceed
  • I always stay calm even though I’m boiling inside
  • I want people to like me
  • I hate arguing
  • The working atmosphere must be good

D.

  • I am just that committed
  • If I don’t do it, nobody does it
  • A deal is a deal
  • I can take criticism as long as it is constructive
  • If I’m right, I want to get it too

See now in which box or boxes you ticked the most statements and find out what risk factors for boss stress are present in your tips and tricks.

Tips and tricks

Below you can see the results of your test including tips and tricks on how to address it

Go-getter and perfectionist

Subject A: You think your work is important, you are a go-getter and have perfectionist views.

Risk: Because you set the bar high for yourself, you probably do the same for your boss. It irritates you when he doesn’t meet your strict standards with the result that you have very little respect for him.

Tips at A.

  • Don’t set the bar too high for yourself and for your boss. Of course you want to do quality work and strive
    for one hundred percent. However, perfection is not necessary in every situation. Agree with your boss what he expects from you
    .
  • Also look at things through the eyes of your boss, who has a lot on his mind and may not always be busy
    with the details that are important to you.
  • Strengthen your self-confidence if your perfectionist thoughts stem from insecurity and the fear of making
    mistakes. By working on this, you will become less demanding of yourself and those around you.
  • Stay positive by focusing too much on your boss’s qualities and less on his downside.

You like routine

Subject B: You like routine jobs and feel comfortable in a familiar workplace.

Risk: New developments and changed procedures make you insecure. You need your boss’s approval for all your output. If you have a boss who likes to delegate and expects your own initiative, you are not sure what to do and you function less and less. You blame your boss for lack of clarity and you don’t understand each other.

Tips at B

  • Get clarity. Have a conversation with your boss about mutual expectations. In what way does
    he want to be kept informed of results? Does he want to know exactly what you are doing or does
    he like to leave the details to you? What issues can you turn to him for and what does he expect you to solve yourself
    ?
  • Develop an ‘instruction manual’ for your boss. When and how best to contact him? Some bosses are just easier to reach via email or app. If you want a personal one, pick a time that is convenient for him.
  • You like to play it safe. If that stems from insecurity about yourself or your work, improve your
    self-confidence, and if you do want to discuss something, find a colleague or mentor to support you. This will help you
    work more independently.

Colleagues can always come to you

Box C. You are a social person, you like to put yourself out there for others and people know they can always come to you, including your boss.

Risk: You find it difficult to say no and set your boundaries. You want appreciation from your boss for all your hard work. If this is not forthcoming, you will try even harder to still get that recognition. Frustration and exhaustion are the result.

Tips at C

  • Improve your assertiveness to be able and willing to say ‘no’ to co-workers and your boss. You have the right to state your boundaries.
  • Plan proactively and make sure your work is always finished on time and leave room for any ad hoc jobs fromyour boss. Anticipate, so that you get something done before he asks for it. That’s how you create the wow factor.
  • Adjust your expectations to avoid frustration. If, despite everything, his compliments still fail to materialize, seek appreciation from others, inside or outside your workplace. Accept that your boss is just the way he is.

Ambitious and responsible

Box D. You are ambitious and feel responsible for the company’s result.

Risk: You quickly make something your problem and to solve it all, overtime is the rule rather than the exception for you. You often sit in your boss’s chair and feel indispensable. Because of this unclear division of roles, conflicts with your boss lurk.

Tips at D

  • Stick to the division of roles. Your boss remains your boss, even if you disagree with his methods. Do not take over his function, but support him as much as possible and establish which responsibilities are yours and which are his.
  • Work on a respectful relationship with your boss. If you remain professional in your behavior and attitude, you will avoid many conflicts.
  • Beware of indispensability syndrome. Because of your dedication and sense of duty, you put in so much work that sometimes you feel like they couldn’t run the business without you. How realistic is it to think that you always have to “save” everything and everyone? Rather, be economical with your energy.

What are your characteristics?

So, what about you? Have you been able to discover certain traits in yourself that may be contributing to your boss stress? Then compare them to a trait in your boss that is the exact opposite and what negative feelings that evokes in you.

Those feelings, in turn, influence your behavior that is probably not as effective. Thus, more and more it becomes clear why you are so bothered by your boss. In one of the upcoming blogs, read how to break the pattern in your reaction to reduce the feeling of stress.

(Blog continues after photo)

problems with boss at work
Jolanda Meijer has written a nice little book about dealing smarter with your troublesome boss

Don’t let your boss’s (dominant) behavior blow you away

If your boss behaves irritatingly, it is understandable that you immediately go on the defensive because you feel attacked. Or you are so shocked by his behavior that you crawl into your shell and completely block out. In hindsight you then think, “If only I had said this or done that.

So don’t be blown away by his behavior and by the intense emotions it evokes in you. Keep your attention on the content and stay focused on the solution instead of thinking in terms of problems. This will ensure fewer problems with your boss at work.

Free discovery call

Lacking assertiveness or selfconfidence?

Does it inhibit you at work and want to get rid of that? That's possible with our 40 days individual coaching program. Lets meet, see if we have a 'click' and if I can help you.

> Book your free call

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